Its 2 o’clock in the morning, I am lying in bed, eyes wide open, searching for answers. The whole world is sleeping, but I am wide awake, wondering what life is really about. I try to think my way out of a conversation I want to have, I worry and pray about financial circumstances and wonder if the man I am dating is sincere.
Many have searched for the meaning of life in the twilight hours, asking the eternal questions: What is my purpose? Why am I here? Is there more to life than this?
Many days I felt like something was missing, like a void of light in a dark room, an emptiness that cannot be filled. I seem to be searching for something, but there’s always a feeling of doubt that maybe I will never find what I need.
I question some of the people, places and situations in my past. Reflecting on the things that made no sense and wondering if a true path to enlightenment and a fulfilling life even exists. I have turned to a variety of outlets that seem to have it all. In my youth it was the search for the perfect high via mood altering chemicals, as an adult I worked harder and tried to climb the corporate ladder, equating monetary gains with the meaning of life. I turned to a raw food diet and exercise to have the perfect physiology; sure it would open my body and mind to a clear perspective in processing my thoughts. In each scenario, I was sure I would find contentment and joy. I have spent endless hours in prayer, contemplation, education and meditation searching for pieces to the grand puzzle that is me.
I have fantasized about going on a pilgrimage and finding meaning in climbing mountains or walking 600 miles across Spain, thinking I would find and capture permanent-perfect serenity. I believed that if I wrote the perfect poem, story, and article or read the perfect meaning of life in someone else's works, that then I would know exactly what my important purpose for existing is. I think, simply, I am a human “being” not a human “doing.” A better way for me to experience and focus on my life is to integrate and follow the quote:
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience."( Teilhard de Chardin 1881 – 1955)
From my many journeys and experiences, I found that divine purpose is more about defining and focusing my love for people and enjoying being a Spiritual “being.” My intention is to know and love who I am rather than doing what I think I should be doing to meet the demands of life. I think that maybe my higher purpose to embody love in all forms